It is seriously killing me that I haven't been able to finish this book yet.  Who doesn't love a good tear jerking story?  I'm not really sure why I love reading sad stories such as this one.  Maybe it's because it makes my life seem half way normal and not nearly as bad as it hypothetically could be.  Reading a book  gives me a quick release, a way to escape my own life and whatever I decide to be worrying about today.  For the moment, I am taken away into someone else's life, not really even having to think about my own.  And if I am, its usually because I can relate to the person in the book, assuring me that I'm not alone and what I feel is totally normal.

An easy, healthy, totally acceptable escape... that really is all I need sometimes.

ok... joke is over.

This 85 degree weather in the not so beautiful New Jersey really threw me off today.  I'll wake up tomorrow to rain and chilly breezes and not want to get out of bed.  For some reason, the closer I get to summer and graduation the slower time passes.

All i want to do is throw up some sea salt hair, take a nap outside, and squish some sand between my toes.  I really don't think thats too much to ask.

Mother nature... you officially suck.

I've got this new desire...

to not care whatsoever about what people think of me.  I'm sick of second guessing myself and constantly having to monitor if what I'm doing is acceptable.  I'll be realistic this is just a goal because in reality I will never not care what everyone thinks of me, but it is DEFINITELY time for a change and its certainly long overdue.

So, that was just a little update on my life... thanks for listening.

When it feels good...

The repetitive thrill.  For those few fleeting moments, the rhythm builds and the music pounds in my ear drums.  It feels like I could do this all day.  


Prepare, explode, exhale.  


The best is when it becomes like breathing.  The excitement running through every bone and muscle in my body. Pushing my physical limits and stretching my comfort zone feels good for once.  I'm never quite sure what the outcome will be, but instead of being scared, the feeling is absolute.  Like anything is possible and on this floor I can be myself.  


The goal: to make it look easy.  Like no one knows what's really going on in this head and all they see is the exterior.  I can let people in, but just enough.  Somewhat, there is a feeling of vulnerability, but I'm not completely exposed.  For these moments, I have full control, of my body and my mind.  There is a sense of equilibrium, of a balance that makes me complete, at least for a moment. 


This is when it feels good.